At this point, I’m just going to assume that there will be a Part II to this one. After all, it seems like every hot button issue requires more than a passing thought.
Figuring out how to handle the money thing is one of the biggest decisions Chris and I will have to make before we attach the ball and chain. Not surprisingly, most of the couples we’ve met up with have combined all of their duckets, preferring to work on a budget and all that shizat as a team. And while I don’t disdain this approach, I must say it’s not where we’re leaning.
Let’s just get something out in the open right now: neither Chris nor I are high-rolling, house-owning, swimming-in-money kinda kids. While we like to stay in hotels like the W and travel to exotic locations like Ephrata, Washington, we’re counting our cash like everyone else. Even if we become the Gatsbys of 2009, we don’t really feel like dropping all of our coin in the same money pot. It just doesn’t sound like a hell of a lot of fun. For example, I imagine the following conversation happening soon after bank account co-mingling:
Chris: Jaime, I bought you this lovely platinum bracelet from Tiffany!
Jaime: Why thank you darling! I couldn’t help but notice that $1,000 deduction on our online banking account yesterday! How thoughtful of you!
Chris: Smooches, did you really spend $4.50 on tampons yesterday? I saw they were two for one at Walgreen’s on Sunday. Tsk, tsk!
So instead of going the traditional route, we’re going to keep our own accounts and have financial summits on a quarterly basis. We’ll chat about how the past quarter has been, going over where we’re at with our current paychecks, and agree on how much we’ll each pay into the common pot for the next quarter. We’ll score a joint account to cover everyday/rent expenses and we’ll both sign up for a percentage that we’ll donate to a team savings account. The rest is ours to play with and spend on each other as we please.
Of course, we’re open to suggestions. Have at it- I’m sure you’ve got your own thing going on that works for you. Feel free to share it!
My $.02 on this one is having seperate accounts has caused more big issues in marriages than I can count among my friends and neighbors. Some ended up divorced over it. I have to ’second’ what Allison said (that is Allison my cousin, right?) – we have an obligation to our future as a family… kids, savings, vacations, bills, food, retirement, etc. Saving for items like a house will require all of your resources – better to pool them together for efficiency.
Are you spending in a way your spouse would really question? Maybe it needs to be questioned once your married… Blowing $500 at a bar/club when your saving for a house may not be a good plan… You can have an “allowance” you both pull each month as well – your play money
This works for many as well – keep it the same for you both so the issues with raises and such are irrelevant … as salaries increase, the main account becomes more robust automatically. No inequality financially.
You both need to be responsible and accountible to each other. Compromise is very important within a marriage – if you don’t give a little, the trouble starts because that means you want the other to give in entirely.
I remember a seperate-account-neighbor chasing down a garbage truck to get it to pick up their trash – it was a bill that she had said she would pay from her account and forgot – the husband sat back and watched the commotion with a smirk. …it did not improve their relationship at all.
One last point – the biggest raise you can give yourself is eliminating debt. You will likely always have some debt (mortgage, car), but avoid being suffocated by it – it can sneak up on you – especially if either of you are unemployed for a period of time. Pooling money can help pay down debt far quicker as a team, the balances are transparent for you both to see and set reduction goals on. Avoid argueing once your married about where your individual debt came from. Be honest with each other about what you both have – no bad surprises – make a plan, and do your best to carry it out. You need to protect your credit – once married, you NEED TO KNOW what debt your spouse is bringing to the team – if any.
Wow – that ended up like $10 worth of $.02
I think for the first few years it would be cool to have separate accounts. I don’t think I’d want to merge everything right from the jump. That’s always a tough one. I personally, don’t like anyone critiquing the way I spend my money provided the bills are all paid for there is some money in the savings. With days like these one thing I’ve found is there is never enough savings… I can’t wait to read part 2.
We had separate accounts for the first couple of years, but it got to be a pain since I generally ended up being the one to pay the bills. Eventually, we cancelled Troy’s account and went for the joint account. He puts money in (and so do I) and then I decide how it’s spent. We generally don’t buy surprise gifts for each other, so we don’t run into your “Tiffany’s” problem. (I’d rather just buy what I like myself and when we want to surprise each other,we do thoughtful handmade gifts or “quality time” gifts which I like much better).
I can understand the concern about the potential to keep tabs on each other. I wouldn’t want someone questioning my penchant for facials and magazines–and I also wouldn’t want to know if he regularly drops hundreds on drinks for friends. But I imagine I’d want to know we agree to experience “for better” and “for worse” together. So if all of a sudden one of our salaries doubles, we both have the luxury of an improved lifestyle. I guess that’s the question I’d ask you guys:
Are you agreeing to each lead the same lifestyle, even if one of you makes more than the other at some point? If one of you all of a sudden gets a massive salary increase, either through a promotion at Chris’ job or a book deal for you, will you be have more money to play with on a daily basis, or only the person who advanced professionally?
I think that this was probably the most difficult thing for me to get my head around when I was facing the situation myself. Ultimately it was a moot point (as you know), but I’ll tell you I wasn’t looking forward to really co-mingling our bank accounts and working off of a common budget myself. It felt like I was about to lose a lot of independence and control over something that I had spent most of my life working very hard for.
Needless to say, I would lean towards the solution you two seem to be coming up with (if not entirely independent finances) myself.
Good luck!
How will you handle retirement accounts, college funds for kids, etc.? And what about a situation where one of you makes far more money than the other?